Radmila Djurcilov, born Ivanovic
1934 - 1998
This page is dedicated to the loving memory of my mother.
She died May 29th, 1998 after a short and hopeless battle
with liver cancer.
As I rage against the universe for taking my
mom so early, this is an attempt to recreate her life through
image and stories.
My mother was a beautiful woman and a source of grace, inside and out.
Her strong and vivacious spirit
shone as she stepped through life making the best of the bad times,
and celebrating the good times. She was a wise councillor and a pillar
of support to the entire family. She was a loyal and loving
friend and a benefactor to a great many people.
She was my buddy, my advisor and my
model feminist. Without her, I am truly a motherless child.
Mom was born in Macedonia, near the capitol Skopje - first child
of Magdalena and Bogic Ivanovic, an officer of the King's army.
Later came Sveta and Toma, mom's younger brothers. The family moved around
a lot, first due to the nature of her father's job, later forced by
the war and in search of opportunities.
My mother did not have an easy childhood.
At one point, they were living in a small village in Montenegro with
no running water, and my mother was in charge of bringing the barrels
of water on her back from a well a few miles away. Also, she recalls
fainting from hunger and exhaustion while travelling in a cargo train.
Granpa Bogic died in WWII and grandma took up a job as a store clerk
in Belgrade, while the three children attended school. Mom excelled
at math and languages, and upon high-school graduation landed a job
in a trading company. My uncles tell me that those we the care-free
days of her life: single, well-paid, and glorious. She travelled
extensively, which she also always recommended to me.
Then came marriage. Dad had been trying to woo her for some time,
including the BMW motorcycle which she refused to ride on, unlike
other girls...After many years of gramma's pleas, she finally
decided to marry at age 31. She followed dad to Hamburg, Germany,
where for 12 years both of them worked very hard to build a solid
future for the family. Mom found a job as a clerk in a clothing
company, and dad was working as a research engineer
a nuclear research facility.
My brother was born in 1966, after which
my gramma joined to help raise the children. I came in 1969.
Here is the young family in Germany, 1974.
At the point when my brother and I started going to school and
refusing to speak our native language our parents decided
to return to Yugoslavia in 1976. Here we are in our living room.
Even though the living standard was lower, mom and dad never regretted
going back.
Mom returned to her old job, and soon was seeking for ways to improve
and advance. In 1980, at age 46, she went to college to earn a
School of Economics degree - a brave and unusual move by Yugoslav
standards.
Above is a photo from around that time.
This picture was taken in 1987, a few days before I embarked on my
exchange-year in California, something my mom found out about and
pursued tirelesly when she learned I was interested, even though
it was breaking her heart to let me go live at a stranger's family
at the tender age of 17.
Looking back I now realize how much of my greatest achievements and
changes in life have been a product of my mother's
undying efforts and loving support. She was a fighter for us
and yet was able to step back at the right moment and let me
and my brother choose the path that we prefer.
Since I had been away, mom kept close contacts through letters and
occasional visits.
Here is a photo from a visit in 1988. Two strong and
colorful women, they forged their way across the Atlantic, despite
protests from my father, money and language problems.
This is one of the rare photos that capture mom's sweet charm.
She brightened people's lives with the small kindnesses she imparted
on them daily.
She gave and gave happily.
Because she was so versed and energetic, she
was always there to help friends and family with ordinary troubles:
getting visas, finding medications abroad, arranging tickets...never
expecting anything in return.
Celebrating Branko's graduation from the Belgrade University 1992.
At a celebration in 1993.
Mom never stopped learning. When Branko married a spanish
woman, she took spanish classes. When she heard about internet
and e-mail, she wanted to use it to communicate with Branko and I.
Here she is, receving her first computer lesson. She figured it out
in a day, and from that point on we were having a regular family
e-mail forum, across the continents. Six months later my mother died.